Stories from an Endless Summer
by Maeve Moonstone
Summary: Series of interconnected oneshots depicting how I view the future of Phineas and Ferb. Main shipping is Perryshmirtz, because that's my true OTP, but I'll include a different take on Phinbella, one which will probably be more true to cannon than most phinbella fics. Lyla Lolliberry will also play a major role, as she is my favorite character of all time. Enjoy!
1. Checkmate

"...so that's why I hate checkers. Anyway, behold! The chess-iator! With it, I can replace every game of checkers in the Tri-state area with a game of chess! Now, chess, that's a good game, not like checkers at ALL…"

As soon as his nemesis had finally revealed the day's -inator and it's function, Perry started to search for a way to escape his trap (it was a platypus-sized chess piece - a black knight, to be more specific. Doofenshmirtz had made a Batman-related joke that shall not be dictated because of copyright violations due to the fact that Disney does not own the DC comics universe. Which is pretty sad, because they would have done Robin more justice than Cartoon Network has.) Eventually, Perry realized that the chess piece had a sticky game piece bottom rather than solid … whatever chess pieces are made out of, and could be quite easily removed if he just applied pressure, which freed his feet. Doofenshmirtz comically didn't notice when a platypus-sized chess piece waddled by him - until he realized it was heading towards the self-destruct button.

"Perry the Platyknight, you get back here!" Doofenshmirtz lunged at Perry, who ducked, which sent the doctor over his head. There was a series of crashing sounds, involving screeching tires and a cat meowing, Doofenshmirtz, who didn't seem to have learned his lesson the first time, lunged at him again. This time Perry hopped at the last second, landing on top of Doof's upper back. He crossed his legs around the doctor's neck and twisted, slamming the face of his enemy into the floor.

"Oww… I'll get you for that!" Doofenshmirtz caught the platypus off-guard by flipping over, resulting in Perry (still in the chess piece) lying on his back on the floor, with Doofenshmirtz on top of him. However, the Doctor had miscalculated Perry's initial distance from him, and his face had ended up at a closer proximity to the Platypus's face than expected.

Now, the duck-billed platypus has a rather strange and interesting anatomy, full of unusual quirks that make the creature so unique. One of the most prominent parts of their anatomy is their bill, which is full of many interesting attributes. First would be the texture, which unlike the hard bill of a duck, is rather soft and rubbery. This is because the bill is covered with millions of tiny sensitive button-like structures, which allow for a sixth sense. This sixth sense allows the duck-billed platypus to navigate murky waters, and find prey. To find the prey, the bill not only senses the form of the creatures they eat, but also picks up on the organic electricity that allows basic bodily functions needed for the survival of all organic life within the kingdom Animalia. This lead to a rather interesting experience for both parties participating in the unexpected kiss. Perry had always known that his nemesis's organic electricity was above average, most likely a result of high brain activity - an attribute he took advantage of often when trying to locate the man. However, to have all his sensors pressed simultaneously, with one of the parts of the human body with the thinnest skin, by a man with an already unusually high level of organic electricity, was a sensation that was almost overwhelming. For the man, however, it was not sensation that overwhelmed him and kept him frozen. While this was, indeed, Perry's first kiss, the scientist had numerous romances in his past, and while most of those romances ended horribly before they even really began, the man was not alien to the feeling of lip contact - although he could honestly say that this was the first time he had ever kissed a platypus. No, it was shock that had kept him frozen, along with a small dash of wonder. Who knew that bill was so soft, that it had so much give to it? Sure, it was a little cold, but that seemed to make it better somehow, and it might be kinda slimy, which was totally gross, but also kinda soothing, and…

While the evil scientist was caught up in his internal monologue, the secret agent struggled to unfog his mind enough to do something. It was really hard to think straight enough to shove his nemesis off, though, through the explosions of chemicals and chaos of NEW that was surging through him. Eventually, though, he gained enough hard-earned resolve to lift his hind legs and plant a firm kick in the self-proclaimed doctor's chest. Doof flew backwards, and Perry used the momentum of the kick to swing himself into a recuperating kneel disguised as a fighting stance. Doof stared at him with a slightly dazed "WTF JUST HAPPENED" expression on his face while Perry hid his face with the fedora, not trusting his eyes to form a glare while he tried to regain his dignity.

"Uhhh…" Perry leapt forward, kicking his nemesis in the face, and the fight resumed as if nothing had happened. That day, Phineas and Ferb's giant checkers arena, played using UFO-like hovercrafts, was turned into a giant chess arena and stolen by ancient French soldiers just as Candace and Stacy arrived, after a small adventure involving a ducky momo fanclub that wouldn't let Candace join. Just an average day - but, like many average days of that summer, things changed, if only slightly. Like the day that Carl met Monty, or the day Candace subconsciously decided that her brother's safety and companionship was far more important than any bust, or the day that Buford realised how horrible a wedgie felt, or the day Isabella decided to simply accept Phineas's friendship for the time being and started truly being herself around him rather than desperately trying to get his attention, or the day that Irving became a friend rather than just some creepy fanboy, or the day Buford stopped being a bully. Some of these changes could be tied to a single event, but most happened gradually, through not one, but many days. But most times, coincidence was a needed force to push everyone in the right direction - coincidences such as this one, where lips met bill in the heat of the battle, and they each had something more to contemplate when wondering about each other and the strange relationship they had.


	2. Isabella's Apithany

Isabella stormed into her fireside girls troop clubhouse and threw herself on the couch, groaning. The other fireside girls looked at their leader in worry, before eventually, Ginger hesitantly stepped forward.

"Uhhh… Isabella? You… feeling okay?" Isabella lifted her head enough to shoot a glare at her friend.

"Peachy." She flopped her head back onto the couch coushin. The fireside girls all shared a knowing glance. Gretchen stepped forward and sat down on the couch, comfortingly placing a hand on her leader's shoulder blade.

"Is it anything you want to talk about?" Isabella sighed and sat up, hugging the orange pillow.

"It's just… Phineas! He's driving me crazy!"

Adyson spoke up this time. "How so?"

"We saw Meap again today, and I got sucked into this crazy space adventure, and I saved everyone from this crazy space villain named Mitch using cuteness super powers or whatever, but before that Phineas got hypnotised with cuteness, and I snapped him out of it because my cuteness counteracted Mitch's cuteness, and-"

"Hold up. Does that mean that Phineas thinks you're… cute?"

"Yes. Yes it does."

"Well, isn't that a GOOD thing?"

"Yes, but he treats it like a scientific fact! He doesn't even register it as possible romantic attraction, it's just a VARIABLE to him. He's just… " Isabella sighed, and music started playing in the background as the fireside girls all start singing and dancing at microphones as Isabella stood up from the couch as it disappeared, and started to sing.

"He's been hypnotised

And I can see it in his eyes

He can't really see me

So I try to pull him down

And I start talking to him

Wondering if maybe

I can reach into his soul

And try to save his mind

His pupils dial ate

And that is great cuz'

Now he's coming back

He grabs me by the shoulders

And tells me his attraction to me

Is a SCIENTIFIC FACT

(Suddenly, Isabella's holding an electric guitar)

And then everything

Just changes in me

But nothing's changed with him

And as he cheers me on

I feel there's something wrong

Oblivious Phineas,

Why can't he understand?

He's making my life wonderful,

He's making my life grand.

Oblivious Phineas,

Why can't he ever see?

My heart belongs to he,

Cuz' I'm in love with thee!

You're getting all my hopes up

Then you're shutting it all down

When I wonder if you love me,

I feel like I might drown

I ask you a simple question,

You answer with a smile

Then you go off a different tangent

And I'm hopelessly confused for a while

Oblivious Phineas

Why can't he understand?

He's making my life horrible

He's making my life grand

Oblivious Phineas

Why can't he ever see?

My heart belongs to he,

Cuz' I'm in love with thee!

(Guitar solo while Isabella clutches her head as memories play in the background. She eventually kneels on the floor as she appears to reach an apithany)

Oblivious Phineas

You never seem to know

When I'm flirting with you

And so I'll try to let it go

Oblivious Phineas

You never seem to see

So perhaps we are both too young

To ever try and ever be

Iiiiiin looooooooooooooooove."

The scene faded to normal, and Isabella stood up, smiling brightly at her troop.

"Girls, I've reached an apithany."

Gretchen leaned against one of the chairs, smirking. "So we've heard."

Holly jumped in, shocked. "Does this mean you're going to stop flirting with Phineas?"

"Of coarse not, Holly. I'm just going to be more… you know, myself around him. Less Phineasland, cutsey-flirty innocent Isabella. I'm not going to put up appearances any longer! From now on, I'm kick-butt, adventure-loving fearless leader Isabella Gracia-Shapiro!"

All the fireside girls cheered in celebration, hugging, lightly punching Isabella's shoulder, and sharing fist bumps.

Old habits break hard, but eventually, Isabella learned how to be comfortable enough around Phineas to totally be herself, despite what he thought. Poor Phineas was fairly confused. Since when did Isabella excitedly and insistently call an innocent souped-up game of baseball a "battle to the death", or grab a lemon gun meant to destroy evil platypi with such a huge grin on her face? Since when was she so confident, so eager to dive right into a battle that would surely get herself hurt, then seem so angry when he told her it was way too dangerous? Since when was she so enthusiastic about danger? It worried him. He never really forgot that one time when he became a super hero and had his first REAL battle. He never really forgot how she went right into the face of danger, and almost died. The old Isabella was one who shied away from danger, clung to his hand as he lead her through a haunted house… the new Isabella was one who laughed into the face of danger, who kicked danger in the face, who loved danger and the thrills it came with. She seemed… brighter, somehow, more confident, able to lead Phineas out of any situation. He supposed that, in that way, she hadn't really changed all that much - she was always the one to lead him back to the right place when he got lost and didn't know where to go. She was always a good leader - but Phineas was never a very good follower.


	3. Madame Malice

"So, let me get this straight. You're marrying your nemesis?"

"Yes. I am. Do you have a problem with that, Rodney?"

It was Sunday morning at the LOVEMUFFIN headquarters, and the weekly meeting was taking place. The meeting was interrupted, however, when the co-leader and founder of LOVEMUFFIN, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, made an astonishing announcement- he was to marry Perry the Platypus, the best secret agent the OWCA had to offer, his nemesis. The thoughts going through the heads of the members of LOVEMUFFIN varied greatly. Some wondered if this was some sort of intricate scheme to wipe out the rival organization, others felt sick, and many thought their co-leader had officially lost his mind, but some, like the well-known female evil scientist, Madame Malice, mused upon how this union would affect the relations between the two societies on a political level. However, the second co-leader, whose full name she had forgotten because she simply could not be bothered to care for such a trivial thing, but who was known by most as Rodney, seemed to be in a state of disbelief. This would not do. As soon as she had heard the announcement, Madame Malice had known that such an arrangement would lead to many interesting scenarios that, if nothing else, would be immensely amusing. However, if the two societies whose reason for existence was to eradicate one another were to merge on such an intimate level, it would most likely induce chaos and confusion, not only within the two societies, but throughout the Tri-state area, in the midst of which she could manipulate some poor, gullible soul with a good reputation to take over for her, so she could rule in the shadows. It was brilliant. However, the plan could never work if the union was not accepted by her supposed peers and they ended up demanding impeachment, which seemed incredibly likely in the current outrage. Now, Madame Malice never spoke to more than two people at once, much less a crowd like this one-her thing was manipulation from the shadows. That way, nobody could blame her if the plan somehow failed. However, the current situation called for a single voice to turn the tables. With no voice present for her to borrow, she resolved to risk using her own. She slowly stood from her seat, glaring at the bickering scientists, and cleared her throat. This action alone caused deafening silence to immediately fall upon the entire room, and all eyes were on her. She glared at every person in the room, causing each victim of her gaze to nervously swallow. Her glare ended on her co-leader, who was just as terrified as everyone else. Then, a sickeningly sweet smile spread across her lips, inducing more fear. Then, she spoke.

"I think it's a good idea."

With that proclamation, she sat back down. And then suddenly, everyone was congradulating her co-leader, all ideas of impeachment forgotten. She smiled to herself. Pretty soon, the whole city would go up in chaos, and she would be the unseen ruler of the Tri-state area.

Imagine her surprise when everything went off without a hitch because her nemesis, Barry the Bat, had induced a similar acceptance in the OWCA. She secretly vowed her vengeance.


	4. The Wedding

Doofenshmirtz was anxious. Which wasn't really all that surprising, considering the circumstances. He fidgeted with his purple bow tie, glancing nervously around himself. To his left were the groomsmen, all wearing top hats and lab coats, including his best man, Peter the Panda, and a little farther to his right were the bridesmaids, all wearing teal blue dresses and brown fedoras, including the maid of honor, Lyla Lolliberry. In the audience were an assortment of animals, evil scientists, and regular Danville civilians. He could see Carl in the front row, and some bright-looking people whom he assumed were Agent P's host family. He recognised one of them as a girl he had a date with in high school, the one with the orange hair who turned into a pop star… so many people… he whined a little, and Rodney looked at him from behind the pedestal that held the big book. Since, according to the OWCA, he and Perry were already bound for life because of the paperwork he did when he first applied for a nemesis (something he pointed out to Francis after he got an attorney to look over it and the major had threatened relocation when Perry's host family found out about his secret identity), there wasn't really much to do accept legally bind the two using the authority of LOVEMUFFIN. Since Doof and Rodney were co-leaders, and Doof was the one getting married, the only one who had the authority to preform the service was Rodney.

"Heinz, are you ACTUALLY NERVOUS?"

"Shut up, Rodney. I have every right to be nervous, I mean, it's my WEDDING, and did you SEE the amount of people here? What if one of them sees Perry walking up here, and realises that I'm too horrible for him? And, and what if he realises how big a mistake this all is, and, and LEAVES me? Huh?"

"I know I would."

"EXACTLY! Don't you see? He's too GOOD for me! I'm nothing! I'm just the empty shell of a man, raving on and on about my horrible, abusive childhood, and creating crazy machines that literally blow up in my face just because of my horrible ability to hold a petty grudge? Who would marry THAT?"

At this point, Lyla spoke up. "Aw, cheer up, Heinz. I'm sure he wouldn't have agreed to it if he didn't really love you. So let's turn that frown upsidedown, Ay? He's coming."

"Oh, no, I KNOW you, Lyla, and I know you're just saying-" his accusation was halted as the music started. The angelic voices of the fireside girls chorus group started to sing.

"Dooby dooby doo-bah, dooby dooby doo-bah, dooby dooby doo-bah..."

Everyone turned to look at the bride. There stood Perry, wearing a white fedora with ice-blue flowers and a veil, his locket on a chain for all to see, holding a bouquet of flowers (Doofenshmirtz remembered picking them out using the Victorian flower dictionary he found on the internet - Amaryllis for dramatic, Iris for inspiration, Begonia for deep thoughts, and of coarse Rhododendron, which apparently meant beware despite how honestly pretty they were. Just like Perry) and wearing the dress that the self-proclaimed doctor had given him so long ago (well, he didn't really give him the dress so much as he zapped it on him with the ballgown-inator, which was meant to be a trap but had inadvertently distracted the evil scientist in an entirely different way than usual and had truthfully been the beginning of his strange attraction to his nemesis). In short, he looked gorgeous. Major Monogram lead him down the aisle behind the flower boy, an Indian boy who went by the name of Baljeet, and the ring bear, a burly boy named Buford who had been Heinz's personal body guard for a time, who was now wearing a bear suit and a red bow tie. Both boys were apparently close friends with his nemesis's hosts, which he found kind of ironic. Baljeet threw flower petals from a basket beside Buford, as Perry the platypus and Major Monobrow trailed behind them. Heinz felt a huge, boyish grin spread across his face as he watched his beautiful nemesis walking down the aisle towards him. Then Major Monogram took Heinz's hand and placed it upon the tiny teal hand of his nemesis. Doof looked up at the head of the OWCA, grin still in place.

"Thanks, Francis." The major gained a serious glare in his eyes, and leaned in the doctor's direction slightly.

"Take good care of him, doctor Doofenshmirtz. If anything happens to my top agent, I am holding you personally responsible."

"Seriously? I would never actually HURT him. It's HIM you have to worry about."

"I am." And then he stepped away and took his seat in the audience. Doofenshmirtz blinked at him, and then turned back to Rodney as the song ended, nervousness back.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and creatures of the court. We are gathered here today to witness the union of this … man, (Doof huffed and rolled his eyes) and this, eh, PLATYPUS. So, do you Heinz Doofenshmirtz, take this platypus to be your lawfully wedded nemesis, to have and to hold captive, to hate and to cherish, through good times and through bad times, in sickness and in health, till' death do you part?"

"Of coarse I do. Heck, I already do do all that, don't I? Huh."

"ANYWAY… do you, Perry the platypus, take this…man… to be your lawfully wedded nemesis, to have and to hold captive, to hate and to cherish, through good times and through bad times, in sickness and in health, till' death do you part?"

Perry chattered instantly. "That means yes… I mean… you DID just say yes, didn't you, Perry the Platypus?" Perry smirked and nodded, and Doofenshmirtz breathed a sigh of relief. Rodney looked a little confused, but continued with the ceremony anyway as the two nemeses looked at each other with such a sense of understanding, it was as if they were looking into each other's souls and having entire conversations with just their eyes.

"All…right then, if anyone has any reason why these two cannot be joined in unholy matrimony - BESIDES the obvious - please speak now or else forever hold your peace. PLEASE. … really? Nobody? No one at all? Huh. Well, then, may I have the rings?"

"Buford's got em'." Buford shouldered his way to the front of the stage, and held out the velvet pillow holding the two rings - both gold, with one noticeably smaller than the other. Doofenshmirtz took the tiny one, and Perry took the larger.

"Alright, then by the power vested in me by the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness, I hereby pronounce you husband and nemesis. You may now - eugh - KISS the platypus. Or not. I would really prefer it if you didn't, actu-"

"Can it, Rodney."

As lips met bill in a passionate kiss, a few cringed in disgust for a single moment before everyone cheered in celebration, before piling into the reception room.

Lyla hugged both of them simultaneously with a bear hug that threatened to crush their lungs.

"Eep! I'm so HAPPY for you two!"

"Um, Lyla, we kinda need to breath in order to survive."

"Ooh! Sorry. Guess I don't know my own strength, Ay?"

"Clearly."

Peter offered a dual thumbs-up to the both of them. Perry tipped his hat to the panda, and Heinz ranted about how he was so relieved and how he thought the ex-nemesis might take it the wrong way before Perry tugged at his lab coat and gave him a meaningful look that said "don't." And even then he had to drag him away. Vanessa smirked at them.

"Always knew you two would end up together. Hey, Perry, welcome to the family." Monty strolled over at that point.

"Hey, agent P. Happy for you. Don't really know what you see in him, but happy nonetheless."

"I'm right here, ya know."

"Right, sorry. Hey, you be careful out there, Kay'?" Perry nodded and fist-bumped is boss's son, who hooked his arm through Vanessa's elbow and strolled off towards the dance floor. Monogram didn't think anything of it, because Perry had made sure the two got to dance when he made Monty one of his groomsmen. A night out of hiding should do both of them good. Then Stacy came over.

"Hey, Perry! Great to see everything worked out okay, what with the secrets and everything. You cool? I mean, you seemed a little freaked last time I saw you." Perry smiled, and the two embraced. Ever since that one incident and she found Perry out, he had come to her for guidance and companionship as a friend who knew about both his lives. She had become a valued friend to him, and often expressed casual concern over his well-being. Perry had, in fact, been a little freaked, but the author won't elaborate because of the potential plotline for another chapter.

Next Candace approached them.

"Well, Perry, I don't know what to tell ya. Honestly, still getting over the whole anthropomorphic thing. Congrats, I guess?" Perry smiled and chattered. "Right, Perry, you too… I guess." Candace looked up at Heinz. "Hey, you take care of the little meat brick, got it doc?" Doof raised an eyebrow.

"Meat brick?"

Perry face-palmed. Great, his family was already slipping embarrassing information to his nemesis/spouse.

"Hey! Perry!"

Said platypus smiled. Family, while sometimes embarrassing, did have their perks. Perry turned around and smiled at his boys, as they both came in for a running group hug, which he returned with gusto. Doofenshmirtz watched from a small distance, happy to let his nemesis/spouse have this moment.


	5. Niagara Falls

Dr. Bloodpudding safely in Canadian jail, doctor Doofenshmirtz made a strange request. "Let's go to Niagara Falls."

When the strange group - a platypus, a panda, a Major, an intern, a girl and an evil scientist - arrived on the scene, at first, everyone was silent. In the rare silence, Doofenshmirtz reflected on the day's events. It looked like his nemesis might have…a girlfriend. He glanced over at Lyla with distain. Perry noticed the way the doctor was looking at his new friend, and chattered quizzicaly. Doofenshmirtz glanced down at his nemesis, before sighing and looking off to the side.

"Oh - it's nothing, Perry the platypus. I was just thinking." The platypus looked at his forlorn nemesis, before grabbing a fistful of lab coat and pulling the druselstinian man off to the side. The he released his nemesis and turned too look at him sternly, arms folded and eyebrow quirked in a 'you're going to tell me what you're thinking about right now or else I'll beat the pants off of you until I get some answers' look. Doofenshmirtz sighed in guilt, grabbing the back of his neck and averting his gaze. "It's nothing, Perry the Platypus, it's just…" he made the mistake of glancing over at his nemesis, whose look became a fierce glare. Heinz threw his hands up in the air. "All right, all right, I'll talk!" The platypus waited patiently while the doctor gathered his thoughts. The doctor was looking elsewhere. "…you really like her, don't you?" Surprised, the platypus followed his nemesis's gaze. To Lyla Lolliberry. It was true, the platypus was rather fond of the girl. She was easily excitable, enthusiastic, talkative, capable, tall, with slightly messy brown hair and blue eyes that held a certain joyful and intelligent spark. Just like another person he knew. He smiled fondly at his nemesis and nodded. However, that only earned him a depressed sigh, to which he quirked his head in confusion. "…sorry, Perry the Platypus. It's just that… I never imagined you, getting a girlfriend. I mean, I can see why you like her, she's nice, attractive, capable, an agent, female- everything I'm not, and you HATE me, but I mean … what if this means you'll have less time to thwart me? Selfish, I know, but hey, I AM evil, aren't I?" Shocked, Perry ferociously shook his head. "What, are you saying I'm not evil?" The platypus deadpanned and shook his head again. "What, so I AM evil?" Perry nodded. "But, if that's not it, then what-" Perry pointed at himself, and then at Lyla, and shook his head, chattering. "What - so… you and Lyla AREN'T together?" Relieved, Perry nodded. "So … that means … YES! There's still hope! I mean … uhhh … there's still hope toooo… curse… you…?" The platypus had a very strange look on his face, a mixture of surprise, thought, and confusion. The suddenly hesitant evil scientist shifted from foot to foot, holding his hands behind his back and averting his gaze from the inquisitive eyes of the platypus. "I… um… I think I'll just… yeah… I'll go now." The doctor turned away towards Francis, before he felt a tug on his lab coat. He slowly turned his head to meet the serious gaze of the platypus, eyebrows scrunched together in worry. "Perry the Platypus…?" Perry's eyes slowly softened, his lids drooping to a comfortable half-lidded position, a soft smile spreading across his bill. The eccentric man with the wild brown hair understood his nemesis in the way that he always seemed to, and Heinz Doofenshmirtz felt a small smile creep onto his face, too. The two stared into each other's eyes for a moment, speaking without words. Eventually, the doctor sighed in relief, his smile broadening. "…thank you, Perry the Platypus." The two walked their way back towards the rest of the group, where they all stood in companionable silence. Doofenshmirtz felt a small, furry hand place itself upon his own, and looked back into the beautiful worn copper eyes of his nemesis, and they shared an understanding smile before returning their gaze to the beautiful chaos of Niagara falls, secretly enjoying the contact. Eventually, Perry turned and left. He had a home to get to, a pair of boys to take care of. One by one, the members of the odd group left, each having obligations outside of this little romantic coven. Doofenshmirtz, however, stayed long after everyone else had left. He had no obligations, no family to return to, no job he had to wake up early for in the morning. Like so many other times in his life, Heinz Doofenshmirtz was alone.

But, unlike all those other times, he had something to think about other than his growing resentment towards the universe in general. He mulled over the day's events. He had started the day knowing that things would be different that day - he had known that he would be thwarted, not in his purple apartment in the sky, but in a whole other country - or, to be more specific, on the border of a whole other country. What he didn't expect was for his nemesis to show up with a girl, or to be betrayed by his exchange buddy, or to fight as if he were on the side of good instead of evil - and, most of all, he did not expect to take this strange relationship he had with his nemesis to the next level. He sighed, and his train of thought took a different direction as he wondered about something vaguely irrelevant to his feelings with his nemesis but still something worth pondering. "I wondered how the Cloud-Magnetiz-inator turned out."


	6. Meap me in St Louie

About a year ago in a studio in California, a group of animators were forced by it's fan base to make an episode based upon a trailer for an episode that they never meant to create. However, at the end of that episode, they created another trailer for an episode that they never meant to create. At that time, a tweenage girl who lived in an undisclosed location to the right of the Mississippi River decided to create a comic based on that trailer. However, the comic was never finished due to a severe case of writer's block after the sixth page of that comic was only half-done. Now that girl is sixteen years old, and began working on a disjointed fan fiction that took place in the same universe. This meant that she could stop halfway through an idea and work on another until she got inspiration for how to continue the first one, which was perfect for her thought process and work ethic. The fan fiction became her most popular story on ffn, and so she decided to treat her small group of followers with her rendition of the unmade episode that she had tried to complete so long ago. I am that girl. So, I present to you the Chronicles of Meap, episode three: Meap me in Saint Louie.

Space. There sure is a lot of it.

We admire the inky blackness of the infinite universe. We stare for so long, it gets boring. You're about to close out of the tab out of sheer boredom, when suddenly two alien spaceships zoom across the screen.

Got your attention now, don't I?

Right, let's get back to the spaceships.

Zoom in to one spaceship - Meap's spaceship - where inside, there are two figures. One is Meap. The other is a strange alien girl of a species we do not recognise. She seems to be made of green slime, with three large eyes - two in the conventional eye places, and one on her forehead - , and a multitude of smaller eyes, splattering across her cheeks and nonexistent nose like freckles. She also had a mouth with two rounded, buck-like teeth. These traits on any other person would create a grotesque image, but on her the look was somehow adorable.

Alright, now that the description's over with, let's get back to the action.

Meal was steering his spaceship in the front seat, a grimly determined expression on his face, translator mustache in place. This one was a new one - brunette and bushy, it gave the wearer a slight British accent. The girl clung to the backseat, terrified, all twenty-seven her eyes wide open in fear.

"Meap! When are they gonna stop chasing us?"

"Don't worry, Kio Gen-Zia - I think I've lost them."

The spaceship jostled, and Kio Gen-Zia threw her slimy arms around the seat in front of her with a small "eep!" . Meap glanced over his shoulder, a sheepish grin in place.

"Correction - I think I've ALMOST lost them." Kio Gen-Zia pouted in an adorable fashion.

"Well, good. I never wanna see those meanies ever again - especially since they interrupted our special weekend!" Meap chuckled.

"Innocent as always, Kio my dear. But, sadly, trouble seems to follow me wherever I go."

"But we were on VACATION! Couldn't some other galactic defender have taken care of this one?"

"Usually, yes - but this guy's got it in for me."

"Well, then, he's just a big bully!"

Meap looked as though he were about to make a comment, but just then the spaceship jostled again, and an alarm started. Kio Gen-Zia leaned forwards and squinted at the flashing red alien letters.

"Critical damage… um … Meap, is that a bad thing?"

"Bloody meap, mate!" Kio Gen-Zia sat back in her seat.

"Right, I'm going to assume that means it's bad."

And now the narrator will leave this story for a good long while and leave all of you to wait in suspense while suffering through multiple other chapters that explore other storylines.


	7. Hey, there, Delyla

Hey, there Delyla,

What's it like in New York City…

Lyla hummed along with the radio as she drove through the bleak, rainy streets of Seattle. Usually, she wouldn't be in America, but Seattle was close to the border and she had a friend there. She pulled up in front of Steam Noir, and pulled out a navy blue umbrella to protect her from the pouring rain. Soon, she was in the coffee shop and shaking the water droplets off the waterproof fabric, and walking up to the counter. The man behind the counter smiled warmly at her.

"Hey, Lyla. Usual?"

"Yes, please."

"Right. One peppermint moca coming right up." The man behind the counter slid said drink across the counter.

"Thanks, Phil. Hey, have you seen Peter around?"

"Sure, Lyla. I think he's in booth twelve."

"Thanks!" Lyla dropped a dollar on the counter and headed towards one of the booths. Said booth held a panda wearing a fedora - Peter the Panda, Lyla's American colleague. The panda looked up in a sign of recondition, and Lyla waved happily.

"Hey, Pete. Sup'?" The panda offered a thumbs-up, to which Lyla smiled Brightly.

"Well, that's good to hear. Still going freelance?" The panda shrugged, to which Lyla flopped down in the seat adjacent to him.

"Yeah, me too. Work's been exhaustingly boring since P and I took down Bloodpudding." As if on cue, her watch communicator beeped, and she groaned and pressed a button.

"Chief, I'm on my break. I thought we agreed no missions on break time."

"Delyla Doofenshmirtz, we need your assistance."

Everything froze. Peter put his coffee down and tilted his head curiously. Lyla's eyes widened in panic and realisation. Then she stood up straight and looked at her watch.

"Chief! What do you think you're doing, ay? You can't throw that name around, it's…"

"There was a reason why I used that name, agent. This mission doesn't require Lyla Lolliberry - it requires the other girl."

"… oh." Lyla sat down. "So it's THAT kind of mission."

"I apologize. Was there anyone in the vicinity?"

"Well, there was Peter, but…"

"Does he have other obligations?" Lyla looked at the panda, who shook his head.

"Not really, no. Why?"

"He could help."

"…seriously? I thought that…"

"You could use backup."

"… alright, chief. Agent out." Lyla pressed a button, and then jumped up grabbing Peter's hand, and rushed out the doors with a fairly confused panda running behind her. She flung open her car door and slipped inside, forcing Peter into the shotgun seat. Peter shot her a confused look as Lyla buckled her seatbelt.

"Sorry, Pete. I'll explain on the way."

She closed the car door and sped off, heading East. Peter wondered what on earth was going on, and mused upon the name by which his colleague was addressed by her superior.

Lyla Lolliberry.

Delyla Doofenshmirtz.

HEINZ Doofenshmirtz.

The panda doubted that the title had anything to do with marriage, which meant that the girl driving the car was somehow related to his ex-nemesis. She had just been given an urgent mission - most likely one based solely upon this supposed relation.

A mission he had just been dragged into.

Something very interesting was about to happen.

…

What? Are my sudden story jumps annoying you?

Good, that's the point. It is very easy to please an audience, but much more fun to annoy one. Why do you think the commercial break always occurs right at the cliffhanger?

Besides, I need to provide some back story before I jump right into the action so that things will actually make some sense. I might have started nice and fluffy, but now's where the real fun begins.

*cue maniacal laughter*

*coughs*

Anyway, a special shout out to The ArtOfBreaking429, who is my best reviewer. Of coarse, she's also my ONLY reviewer…

I say this forgetting that she could just as easily be a he. I guess it doesn't really matter, since this is the internet.

Anyway, on to the next storyline.


	8. The evil little girl

Susie Johnson. Disarming little sister of Jeremy Johnson, with a secret evil manipulative side. She used to direct this evil manipulative power towards Candace Flynn, her older brother's girlfriend, but she recently realised that her talents could be better served elsewhere. Thus, she created an online profile, from which she maintained her evil impulses behind the mask of anomaly. Of coarse, in order to maintain her image, she DID have to make a few physical appearances, but she made sure that nobody revealed her secret identity.

One of these instances of mandatory physical appearance was at the LOVEMUFFIN headquarters every Sunday. Her title?

Madame Malice.

But Madame Malice wasn't only a member of LOVEMUFFIN- she was also a member of many other villainous organizations, such as Hydra. Although, to be fair, her favorite group by far was not one that only encompassed the planet Earth, but of all the other worlds of the galaxy as well. You see, one day, when her brother's girlfriend's brothers made a device which allowed them to communicate through the galactic web, she temporarily stole the blueprints to scan and return before they noticed. Then, she sent the file to LOVEMUFFIN, who then decided to construct the device. Nobody knew how to work it, though - only SHE had the manual. Now, Madame Malice was a member of every villainous organization in the galaxy - a fantastic starting point for a young future dictator like herself.

She was managing her Mindscreen account (which, from what she could gather, was like some sort of advanced, intergalactic Facebook), when a job offer caught her eye. A villain from the planet of cuteness? This was interesting… Mitch, a Meapian, had a decent resume. A well-known poacher who kidnapped creatures from other planets as a sort of collection, and who had almost successfully taken over his own planet through the means of a rare element called cutonium. He had been stopped by his nemesis, another Meapian named Meap, and… Candace. With her brithers, Phineas and Ferb, and their girlfriend from across the street, Isabella. Susie Johnson sat back in her chair, thinking. She had given up on Candace as a nemesis long ago, deeming her unworthy. And yet, here she was, popping up on the intergalactic web as one of the sole obstacles in a plan of world conquest. She mulled this over for a bit. It would be interesting to meet a villain whose cuteness might be on par with her own. Besides - she had always wanted to go to Planet Meap.

And she could re-evaluate Candace in the process.

She touched the accept button and waited for a response.

MITCH HAS ACCEPTED YOUR ALLY REQUEST.

The little girl smiled evilly, petting her poodle. Barry the Bat might have to go and find a new nemesis soon.


	9. Meap me in St Louie, pt 2

Meap's ship slowly lowered itself from the sky. Meap climbed out, a solem expression on his face. Slowly, sadly, he walked away from the ship.

And then it exploded.

BOOM!

Phineas, Ferb, and Candace immediately rushed outside, Candace still in her ducky momo pajamas.

"Meap?"

"Meap!"

Phineas and Ferb rushed towards Meap, while Candace stood in the door, confused.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, don't be rude, Candace. Meap's always welcome."

"But he never comes without reason, Phineas. When Meap's here, either something's happened, or it's going to."

"Meap." With that, Meap fainted. Phineas caught him, and looked to his brother.

"Ferb, you studied Xenobiology, right?" Ferb nodded, and Phineas handed Meap over to his brother. "Take him to the SHED and check his vitals. I'll go get the gang. Candace, go get dressed. I have a feeling that it's gonna be a long day."

"Eye eye, Captain. Oh, and Phineas?"

"Yeah, Candace?"

Candace laid a hand on her younger brother's shoulder. "Don't do anything too crazy without me."

Phineas smirked. "I'll try."

...

"…Alright, Meap, we've you hooked up to an improved version of our old universal translator. It was made for animals, but it should work just fine for alien lifeforms as well. Ferb, how's he doing?" Ferb gave a thumbs-up. "Ferb says you're healthy enough to speak. So, what's up? We heard an explosion, and then you fainted."

Allow me to paint a picture for you. All the kids, plus Candace, in the SHED, Ferb monitoring a bunch of science fiction British technology, the fireside girls all very excited to be earning their very first intergalactic fireside girls patch by helping Ferb with the tech, Isabella was monitoring their work and correcting them from time to time in a true leader-like fashion, Candace was trying her hardest NOT to touch anything, and Buford and Baljeet were watching Meap, who was at the center of it all encased in a clear plastic cylinder Snow White-style. Phineas was speaking into a small microphone near the alien.

A crackle filled the speakers overhead, and Meap's voice (no accents - it sounds a lot like it does with Mitch's mustache, only higher-pitched but still definitely masculine and a little husky from exhaustion) filled the room. "Ph - Phineas? Wh… where am I?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you - you know that workshop/ clubhouse/ safehold thing I was telling you about? Well, this is it. Meap, welcome to the Secret Hideout for Emergency Defence - also known as the SHED. I asked Ferb to bring you here, since this is the only place we can put our inventions without them disappearing and you needed some hi - tech help fast. But that's not important right now - what's important is how you got here, and why. What happened?"

"M - my wife... oh, my poor, sweet Jenny..."

"JENNY?!"

"Candace, Meap's married to a Blorgothian named Kio-Jen-Zia. She's the daughter of their general Kio-Mog-Hey, and his wife Kio-Man-Zia. You met Kio-Man-Zia, Candace - Meap's mother-in-law, the 'hideous monster?'"

"Oh. Sorry, I thought - well, it's just that one of my friends are named Jenny, and - yeah. Please, continue."

They all turned to look at Meap, who was... crying. Phineas suddenly got very uncomfortable.

"Um...Meap? Are you... okay?"

"JENNY!"

"...Okay, he's not okay."

"Step aside, dinner bell." Buford pushed Phineas away from the mic, and he instinctively grabbed Buford's arm to keep from falling before quickly rightening himself and releasing him.

"Um, Buford, he's ... he's kinda unstable right now, so you might not wanna ... I mean, that is to say, I..."

Isabella stepped in. "Phineas. You're brilliant, and I love you - AS A FRIEND! - and you know more about gadgets and strategies and who knows what else than any of us could ever hope to - but, when it comes to feelings, you're hopeless. Buford's had his fair share of love interests, and he's even dated before - he's the most qualified out of all of us to console Meap right now."

Phineas sighed. "You - you're right, you're right. Go ahead, buford, just... be careful, alright?"

Buford gave a grunt and leaned over the mic. "Hey, alien dude - whatever happened to your girlfriend, I don't think she'd like to see you being a crybaby. You're a soldier, right? Start acting like it."

"Wh- wha...?"

Buford's hands slammed down on the desk, startling Meap and everyone else. Phineas looked like he was about to intervene, but then Isabella grabbed his arm and shook her head.

"Hey! Tiny! Did ja' hear me? I said to stop acting like a crybaby and start acting like a soldier! I don't know what happened to your girlfriend, but I do know that whoever did it's gonna pay! So stop crying, man up, and tell us what happened so that we can actually DO something about it!"

There was a beat of silence. Then Meap sniffed and wiped his eyes, before glaring at nobody in particular in determination.

"My name isn't Tiny, it's Meap. And Kio-Jen-Zia is not my girlfriend. She's my wife. And she was kidnapped."

Phineas took the mic again. "Who kidnapped her?"

Meap scoffed. "Who else?"

Candace's eyes narrowed. "Mitch."


	10. Galifrey

The second sun was rising, and it looked like the trees were on fire. The sky was orange, and the dirt was red. The trees had silver leaves. Flutter wings buzzed in the air. There was a pond behind him, with an alien form of Koi fish called Kionaf, with green scales and glowing antenna. Ferb recognised this place. He was in the garden at his old summer home.

He was on Galifrey.

"Ferb!"

Ferb turned around and smiled. There was Vanessa, with her hair up in a traditional Gallifreyian style (like it would have been in AT2D), wearing a traditional robe of black, white, and red. She moved gracefully, her hair and gown swaying behind her. She walked towards him and softly, gracefully knelt beside him.

"So, Ferb… what are you doing in the garden?"

"Just meditating."

"Meditation, huh? You're just full of surprises, huh?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

Vanessa reached out her hand, which Ferb took without question. They sat there in companionable silence, staring at the beautiful second sunrise of Galifrey.

"Franklin! Where are you? It's time for tea."

Vanessa smiled and rolled her eyes. "And that would be your mom, come to ruin the moment."

"Don't talk about my mum like that, Vanessa."

Vanessa smirked. "Sure, whatever. I suppose she is kinda cool. Still, we better go tell her where we are before she overreacts and accidentally uses her sonic pin on us."

"Mummy wouldn't do that, Vanessa."

"You'd be surprised, she can be pretty overprotective when it comes to you and your dad. Not that I blame her." With that, she swiftly, gracefully stood, her gown and hair moving softly with the wind. "We're over here, Mrs. Fletcher!"

A woman with woods-y brown skin, shocking green eyes, and leafy forest green hair done up on a very messy bun, wearing a gown of white, blue, and green walked over to the pair in the garden, smiling at Vanessa.

"Oh, come now, Vanessa, I've told you time and time again to call me Felicity."

"Mum, do you think we could possibly have tea in the garden?"

"Why, but of coarse, Franklin! I'll tell your father to bring his tea set over here. Lawrence!"

Lawrence Fletcher, dressed in a tweed jacket and a brown bowler hat, suddenly popped out of the bushes and gave his wife a peck on the cheek. "Hello, love." Felicity laughed joyfully at her husband's antics.

Wait. What was…?

Ferb clutched his head, suffering from a small migraine. Vanessa laid a hand on Ferb's shoulder, and he looked up at her.

"Ferb? You okay?"

"M'fine. Just a small headache."

"Well, come on. You're dad's set up this crazy ancient tea machine in the gazebo."

"…okay, Vanessa."

Ferb took Vanessa's hand and let her pull him up. They walked, hand in hand, to the gazebo, which had a fantastic telescope that Ferb liked to look through for hours on end. The sky here was so much clearer than any light-polluted sky on Earth, thanks to the one-way mirror domes covering most of the planet's big cities. If only he could build a really, really BIG telescope on Earth, as big as the Roman Colosseum, with a huge glass lens that would allow all the children of Earth to see the beauty of the unfiltered sky… "…_okay_, _Ferb_, _the first thing we need is a giant lens_…. _Ladies and gentlemen_, _welcome to the Obseva_-_Ferb_-_atory_!…"

"Franklin, sweetheart? I asked you a question…"

Ferb realised that everyone had been having a conversation, and that he had zoned out. He shook his head and looked sheepishly at his mother.

"Sorry, mum. What was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Are you sure you're well, sweetheart? I could go get you some celery… or the metamorphic symbiosis regulator?"

"Sorry, love, but that's for regeneration. Turbo Ferb here is only 1/16th of a time lord, remember?"

"Oh, but of coarse. Silly me."

1/16th time lord… "…_sweetie_, _listen to me_. _I want you to take the TARDIS and bring your father to his parent's house in London_. _They might get me_, _but you're only 1_/_16th time lord_, _their scanners won't detect you_…"

"So, Ferb, how did you and Vanessa meet?"

Ferb shook his head again and looked at Vanessa.

"Well, we were at Blueprint Heaven, and… it was… I was supposed to…"

He was supposed to pick up a blueprint for a giant ice cream machine… for… someone… "…_Hey_. _How's it going_?" " … _Ferb_, _what happened_? _You're_ usually _so focused_…" I was weak. A boy… red… smiling… BROTHER…

America. There was a boy in America.

Phineas. His name was Phineas.

Phineas is my brother.

Why would I have a brother in America? And a sister… Candace… and a mother… who was different… red hair, pale skin, HUMAN… dad loved her… married her…

_Walking down the asile in a tuxedo as a child_, _holding a pillow with a golden ring_, _beside Phineas_, _also with a ring_, _behind Candace_, _who was wearing a pink gown and a tiara_, _throwing __flower petals like there's no tomorrow in a beautiful garden_, _in front of a nauseatingly pink tent_…

But dad loved mum… he would never leave mum…

"…_Felicity_, _are you mad_? _I'll never leave the woman I love_!"

"But, Lawrence, you must. My grandfather's a Time Lord, and it shows, look, I have two hearts… but you, my dear, are HUMAN. You can escape the Daleks, you can escape this horrible, horrible war…"

"I'll protect you from them, then."

"Darling, you mustn't, there's no hope for me. Protect our son, please, I beg of you, just go!"

"A growing boy needs his mother!"

"Then find him a mother!"

"What? Never!"

"Darling, please, be reasonable. The Time lords are going to die in this war, and so are the Daleks. This planet will be gone. I need you and our son to be safe, and the only way for that to happen is if you're far, far away."

"But I could never leave you… and I could never love another woman…"

"Lawrence, I have lived for many years, and I have traveled to many places in both time and space, and I know for a fact that that is not true."

"But what will I do without you, love…?"

"Take this artifact. You have traveled with me, and have witnessed the history that nobody else remembers. You know things no other human knows. This artifact is as valuable as it is ancient, and you wear a number of similar things. There is an empty shop on the corner of Dartmouth and Queens street. I want you to buy it, and start an antiques shop."

"Antiques...?"

"The antiques business is much more exciting than it sounds, and it takes you many places you wouldn't even think of. Take it from a time traveler."

Felicity kneeled down and looked her young son in the eye. "Franklin, sweetie, listen to me. I want you to take the TARDIS and bring your father to his parent's house in London. They might get me, but you're only 1/16th Time Lord, their scanners won't detect you. You only have one heart … I suggest you use it well. Now, I want you to take good care of your father … make sure he finds happiness. You're young, so you might forget me… and I want you to know that that's okay. But you must never speak of the Time Lords. If you do, they will find you. When people ask where your mother is, I want you to tell them she died in a car crash. Is that understood?"

Ferb clutched the TARDIS key close to his single human heart and looked up at his mother with big, wet eyes. "Mummy… mummy, I'm scared…"

"Oh, sweetheart…" Felicity hugged her crying son tightly and closed her eyes.

"It's okay to be scared. Fear is what makes you brave, Franklin." She let go and looked her son dead in the eye. "I love you. Now, RUN!" She suddenly tossed Ferb to Lawrence, who caught him and, after a moment's hesitation, ran. Ferb looked over his father's shoulder, to see his mother, turning and walking into the fire of the second sunset.

"MUMMY!"

"FERB!"

Ferb slowly blinked his eyes open, to see his panicked brother looming over him, shaking him.

"…Phineas?…"

"Oh, thank GOD you're awake!" Phineas hugged his confused brother. Sensing his confusion, Phineas elaborated.

"You were having a nightmare. You were screaming and crying for mom. …oh. It wasn't mom. It was someone different, wasn't it? Your birth mother. Didn't she die in a car crash? That was what your dream was about, wasn't it? The day she died."

Ferb said nothing, and yet his brother understood. Phineas wordlessly pulled Ferb in for a hug, and they sat there, silent.

Mourning the loss of a mother in a war that killed many.

…

Yeah, I read a series of popular Phineas and Ferb head cannons, and one of them was that Ferb was 1/16th Time Lord - just human enough to survive the time war. Personally, I think that he has a bit of Sylvari in there, too, which would explain his plant-like leafy green hair. And yes, his real name is Franklin. Apparently,there was this scientist named Frank who had the nickname Ferb, which is where the inspiration for Ferb's name came from, but I see Ferb having a longer, more British name, so he's Franklin. Technically. He'll always be just plain Ferb to the fans, though - Ferb's his chosen name, only Felicity was allowed to call him Franklin. And, yes, in Ferb's dream, he's officially dating Vanessa. I was thinking about sticking Phineas in there, too, but Phineas represents his new life, moving forward past his mother's death. I like Felicity. It was a shame I had to kill her off, but she had a noble death, a memorable one. Just a break from the Meap plotline, and because I just got this great new book called "Whoology", which is basically the official encyclopedia of Doctor Who, made for the 50th anniversary thing. Anywho, till next time!


	11. Lyla's Tragic Backstory

…chat with my folks laugh at them jokes

I'm hard to the core and she bad to the bone…

Peter and Lyla sit in awkward silence in the car as the song played on the radio. They were well out of Seattle now, and on the highway. Peter just sat in the shotgun seat, staring silently at his Canadian female companion, waiting for an explanation while thoughts raced through his head.

Thoughts about the name he overheard in the coffee shop.

Delyla Doofenshmirtz. That last name was extremely familiar, bringing forth rather confusing memories of a certain evil scientist with a similar name. Now that he really thought about it, Peter realised that Lyla did bear some amount of resemblance to his ex-nemesis. The dark blue eyes, the slightly messy brown hair, the lanky stature, the over-abundance of energy… perhaps she and Heinz were cousins?

Sometimes I think about the past

Seems like the time is flying past

Jump high my presence of this last

The future's always going bad

La la la la la la la la la

Back to the future like-

Suddenly, Lyla switched off the radio, slightly startling the panda beside her. He looked at her expectantly, and noticed a firm, steely glare in the eyes fixed upon the road ahead. Peter decided that something needed to be done in order to break the tension, and so did something he rarely ever did.

He made a noise.

Lyla jumped and swerved slightly at the small confused growl that lest the panda's throat, and looked at him, her eyes softening before they returned to the road.

"…sorry, Pete. I know, I know, I promised an explanation, it's just… it's… these are some pretty painful memories, Ay? But, you're being dragged into this, so you deserve to know."

Peter waited patiently for a moment while his colleague gathered her thoughts, before she sighed and shook her head in a very un-Lyla like way.

"…God, I always feel so much like my dad whenever I do this… Okay, so I guess I should start at the beginning. Or, wait, I should probably clarify some things first, or else this'll all just be extremely confusing. Okay, fact number one. I'm not Canadian. Or, well, I guess I am NOW, but I wasn't a few months ago. I was REALLY born and raised in the Tri-state area - Danville, to be precise. Fact number two. I'm not from here. And when I say here, I don't mean like, I'm not from this state, I mean, I'm not from this time… I know, that sounds crazy, but… okay, so there was this time machine, and… I fixed everything, but then it didn't work, and now I'm trapped, and…" Lyla briefly closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When her eyes opened, they were on Peter.

"…Basically, I'm from the future."

Peter cocked his head in curiosity, his face blank as always.

"I know, it sounds crazy, Ay? You probably don't want to…"

Peter placed a paw on her shoulder and shook his head. She smiled, her eyes radiating gratitude.

"…thanks, Pete." She turned back to look at the road, her stature much more relaxed now that the craziest part of the story was out in the open.

"Okay, so: fact number three. I'm not technically 100% human, which is why I was allowed to work for the OWCA. You see, technically, I'm half-human, half… well, you remember P, right?" The panda nodded, used to her nickname for his semi-aquatic colleague, Agent P- unarguably the best agent in the entirety of OWCA.

"Well, he's my dad. Or, well, not yet, but… where I come from, he helped raise me. He was my papa."

This wasn't all that surprising to Peter - Lyla was a good agent, the second best in OWCA and THE best in COWCA. It made sense that Perry had a hand in that. But, there was still the question of the name in the coffee shop. Delyla Doofenshmirtz… wait…

"… And, as i'm sure you've guessed, my other parent was - or will be, maybe, I don't know - Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

Silence once again filled the car as the two let that sink in. Lyla awkwardly avoided eye contact, and Peter placed a paw on his chin in thought, studying the girl in the driver's seat.

Oddly enough, it made sense. She had Doof's height, eyes, hair, energy, optimism, inventiveness, and lord knew she was just as talkitive as he was - but she also had Perry's courtesy, agility, strength, courage, and defensiveness. Plus, now that he thought about it, that braid DID look a bit like Perry's tail… There were even hints of resemblance in her face - while the color was of Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the slightly narrowed oval shape reminded him of Perry's, and her nose was long like Doof's, but with a rounded tip that reminded him of Perry's bill, and though her long hair hid it slightly, she had a very high forehead, with a pronounced, though more rounded, chin, and if she didn't have so much hair her head would probably have a rounded squarish triangular shape. Even her choice in clothing showed echoes from her parentage - her teal-ish blue skintight clothing reminded him of Perry's teal green fur, and her favorite black jacket reminded him of Heinz's lab coat.

It also made sense because … because he was attracted to her. In the past, Peter had dated both Perry and Doofenshmirtz, though his time with Perry was much briefer than his time with Heinz. He had found Heinz's figure and talkative mannerisms intriguing from the moment he had first met him (though his obsessiveness and self-absorption did confuse and bore the secret agent), and had grown to admire Perry's determination and capability in times of crisis during a rescue mission to save Heinz involving some aliens and a sentient balloon. Lyla, however…

"I was a bit of an accident. A happy accident. You see, dad had this -inator, the heir-inator - not hair as in the stuff on your head, but heir as in a child to pass down your knowledge and property to. You see, this was back when he was still into taking over the Tri-state area and all that, but he was getting kinda old, so he figured he should have someone to pass down his knowledge to before he, ya know, kicked the bucket. But then papa's hair got stuck in the machine, and their DNA got all mixed up before the heir-inator shot dad and impregnated him. You know, it's funny - for the longest time, I honestly had no clue that men usually don't get pregnant. It wasn't until first grade that I read a biology textbook from the library and found out, and then I took it home and demanded answers from dad - I was pretty assertive as a kid. And… I'm sorry, i'm rambling here, aren't I? Anyway, when I was about sixteen, papa decided to retire. But when his boss looked over his files, including all past missions, he found that papa had broken international laws a year before I was even born, by apprehending a criminal while outside of his jurisdiction. So, papa had to serve time… but then a year later, LOVEMUFFIN attacked OWCA, and because papa was behind bars, he couldn't do anything, even if he knew there was something that needed to be done. And then, well… they… papa… let's just say it didn't end well. Dad was absolutely devastated - he went into a kind of manic frenzy, making calculations and -inators and talking to himself as though papa were still there, before he finally came up with a solution. A time-inator, to go back and make sure that none of this ever happened. Uncle Monogram was completely onboard with the idea, except there wasn't anyone that they could send back. All the agents were gone - dad volunteered, but uncle Carl said it was a bad idea to send back anyone who already existed in that time period - especially since the -inator only had enough juice in it for one trip. So, I volunteered - I hadn't been born yet, and papa had been teaching me some things about secret agent work. It took some convincing, but eventually everyone agreed that I would be the best person to send back. So, for three years, they trained me for the mission - I had a lot to learn. After all, it was a one-way trip - I needed to create an amazing alliby, and learn how to lie really, REALLY well in order to be able to pass off as a COWCA agent from the year 2010. So, eventually, after years of training and preparation, I put on a high-tech dissolving time suit that dad invented to protect me from the time vortex, installed this radio chip into my motorcycle that would automatically sent a prerecorded message to younger uncle Monogram and uncle Carl, explaining the situation and providing my official OWCA acceptance files, said goodbye to dad, and then they turned on the -inator and suddenly, I was at the Canadian border. Then I saw papa chasing after the henchmen, and I drove my bike as fast as I could to make sure he didn't get them. First, I pulled up beside him and showed him my COWCA badge, warning him he was out of his jurisdiction - then I pretended to try and stop the crooks instead, but then purposefully let them get away. I didn't have my Canadian files confirmed yet, and I didn't want to end up repeating the whole thing over again. It was around that time that the time suit dissolved, leaving me in my normal clothes. I tried distracting P by pretending that I messed up, and apologised to him - luckily, it worked, and it distracted him for long enough so that Monogram could contact him and keep him from going after the henchmen. Unfortunately, it left him with a bad first impression of me, and it wasn't until two months later that I got to make it up to him. Fortunately, Monogram was willing to help me out, and I did get to meet you, so I guess it wasn't all bad."

Lyla smiled sadly at the panda next to her. Peter smiled back - though the only way one could tell was from the slight upwards squint in the tiny white dots of his pitch-black eyes. This caused Lyla to giggle, which made Peter smile even more. It was the real kind of giggle, accented with a small snort - in a way, her laugh kind of reminded Peter of Perry's rare chattery platypus giggles, but it was still a wonderfully sweet, unique sound that reminded Peter of thick honey. Plus, the fact that he made her happy made him happy. He was intrigued by this strange, tragic tale, but it only made her more amazing in his eyes. The determination it must have taken, to spend three solid years training to leave everything familiar, just save her father, when he wouldn't even remember her… it was amazing.


	12. Secret Memories

"Phineas, I'm not going to let you go down there. It's practically suicide."

"But, Isabella, I have to! If I don't, our friends could be -"

"Phineas, would you just LISTEN to me, for, like, ONE SECOND? I KNOW our friend's lives are at stake, but so is yours, and we can't exactly HELP them if you're DEAD."

"Why can you so sure that it's THAT dangerous? Well, I mean, sure, Mitch is BAD and all, but he's not MURDEROUS."

"Well, Phineas, there are things worse than death. And I don't want those things happening to you. You may be amazing, but you aren't invincible."

"Who says I can't be invincible? I've been invincible before, remember? I took down the biggest, toughest bad guys in my time as the Beak."

"Phineas, if it weren't for me, those guys would have DESTROYED the Beak."

"Well, if it weren't for me BEING the Beak, you would be DEAD."

"That wasn't the Beak, Phineas. That was YOU."

"Yes, and THIS is me, going to save my friends. Why can you not just let me save my friends like I saved you?"

"Because, Phineas, it's already being dealt with. By a PROFESSIONAL. And if you try to interfere like this, we're all doomed."

"Who's the professional? Who in this universe could be better at this than I am?"

"Sorry, Phineas, but that's classified."

"Oh, this is- You can't classify things from me!"

"Sorry, Phineas, but my lips are sealed. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one."

"No. I'm sorry, but… just… no. We need to save Candace, Buford, Kio-Jen-Zia… a lot of people's lives are at stake here, Izzy. And in order to save everyone, I need to know EVERYTHING about the situation."

"EVERYTHING?"

"Everything."

Isabella crept closer to her lifelong crush, her tightly-crossed arms loosening over her small chest and her big blue eyes looking down at the ground, refusing to meet Phineas's."

"…Even if it means things won't ever be the same again?"

Phineas laced his left hand on her right forearm, and used his left to cup his friend's chin and lift her face to look him directly in the eyes.

"If it means keeping everyone safe, then… yes. I'd like to know."

They stood there, looking at each other, in a moment that seemed to last for infinity. Eventually, Isabella closed her eyes and sighed heavily, as though gathering courage to release a great burden, then opened her eyes filled with determination.

"Alright. I'll show you the truth."

She grabbed her lifelong crush by the shoulders and quickly ducked her head under his ginormous nose to fiercely plant a kiss against his lips. Phineas's eyes flew open as memories flooded his larger than average brain. Waking up, Perry's anniversary, platypus badmitton, crashing into Dr.D's home, fixing his other-dimensionator, seeing the scarred dictator, the platyborg, Perry getting hurt, then defending them from the robot in a show of skill and intelligence, the hat, the secret, falling and the pamphlet, saving his butt when he got stuck in that skull, sneaking off to try and get back home, teaching his alternate self about the joys of Summer, feeling betrayed, shocked and confused, seeing Isabella and seeing her differently, fiercer and more capable, finding his sister, leader of the resistance, creating the portal that actually worked, Candace, his Candace, joining them, trying and failing to save Perry, being betrayed and captured, mocked by the scarred dictator, walked to his doom by way of two-ton garage-sized monster, being saved by the other Candace, trying to get the keys, getting a crazy idea that actually worked, travelling through all the crazy dimensions, finally, FINALLY getting back home, only to find it being overrun by the scarred dictator, trying to convince Perry to let them fight, Perry tearing off his locket and saluting, feeling heartbroken, finding the secret lair, fighting by his side, going to stop the scarred dictator and fighting him, hitting the ball and destroying the machine, almost getting crushed by a robot and being saved by Dr. D, making the choice to forget everything to keep Perry, saying goodbye, and getting kissed before a blinding flash of white light erased everything…

Isabella released him and looked him in the eye.

"Now you know."


	13. Stacy the Secret Keeper

Journal Entry #1:

Hey. My name is Stacy Hiranto. But that's just one of my names. Recently, I've been using another.

The secret keeper.

I decided to start keeping this journal because... well, it's not like I have anywhere else to put these secrets. I'm a spy now... I got the idea from Perry. I bought a hat and everything, but I don't work for OWCA. While it would be nice to get paid for my work, that would be too risky.

I know everything. But nobody knows this, not even Candace. It's cool, though. I'm not exactly kicking butt daily, but I keep people - AND their secrets - safe. That's my job - to protect secrets. But it's getting harder. People are getting closer who shouldn't be - Candace is friends with Vanessa, who's the daughter of Doofenshmirtz - Phineas has started going to Doofenshmirtz's house for spare parts and supplies - Monogram and Doofenshmirtz are getting closer and closer together - It's only a matter of time before someone sees Perry. At first I tried not to interfere, but things are going haywire. Everything's connected. I can only hope that the mysterious force works in my favor. I feel almost sad for Lynda. She has the most amazing children in the world, and yet...

It's tough, I'll admit it. I had to pull quite a few tricks recently. The one day I take off for a movie marathon, and Phineas works with Doofenshmirtz to prevent a citywide plague. I still can't believe how close they were to finding out... I can't take any more chances. I have to protect the secrets of Danville.

For Candace.

This is Stacy Hiranto, the Secret Keeper, signing off.


End file.
